things i love {march-april}.

i guess with all the hustle and bustle of graduation, i forgot to post my march loves. so here we have a combined list of loves. so much love.
.sharon larsen.
.being with my rockstar of a sister.
.being with my rockstar of a mom.
.dad, you're alright too i guess {jokes}.
.my desk {props to pop for moving it for me}.
.my new camera {yet again, thank you parents of mine for it}.
.the exercise bike.
.seeing movies with shanman.
.mim.
.avery caplin.

peace and love, peace and love.

what a degree in psychology gets you.

since obtaining my degree, i have been less than active. i wake up late, watch the price is right, make delicious lunches, then sit around till paige gets home. then we party. its been fun.

i'm glad to announce that i have been reading {something i never do} and doing lots of organizing {something i always do}. yesterday i cleaned and organized my parent's computer room and came upon this little number.

it was my mother's "wedding suit". when i asked my dad if he remembered what it was he said "of course i do, its the first thing i took off of your mother." which was promptly followed by "ewwww!" from paige and i.

i'm also getting a fair share of shopping in. last weekend i bought a foundation brush {best thing ever} and russian red lipstick from mac. i never knew how liberating a color of lipstick could be. its great.

and today ... i finally cut my hair!



i hope your spring is going as lovely as mine.

splashing in some lovely puddles.

i'm reading a charming little book right now by sharon larsen. her story is a testimony that despite disappointments, or unfulfilled dreams, life can still be rich and rewarding if we relish all of life's experiences. read it.

yeah thats right.

i graduated from byu today.

clean.

my best friend right now ...

i am currently doing one of the most disgusting chores on the planet, that is, cleaning my apartment to move out. gross.
wish me luck.

at last.

here are some things i was thinking today:

-this is the last time i'll have to walk up this blasted hill.
-this is the last time i'll walk pass the bikes and think, i wish i had a bike.
-this is the last time i'll struggle to pay attention in marriage prep.
-this is the last time i'll be late to film.
-this is the last time i won't want to go back to school after eating lunch.
-this is the last time i will have to sit on the ground in guitar.
-this is the last time i'll hear the silly jokes my ta tells.
-this is the last time i'll be walking back from campus, look at the Y and feel so grateful i came to such a great university.

its been fun. thanks byu.

oh sweden, you've done it again.

theory: all good things come from sweden.

her. her voice. the dancing. the video. the guy at the piano. the song.
cool.

this is perhaps the most beautiful thing i've ever read.

'strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees. say to them that are of a fearful heart, be strong, fear not: behold, your god will come with vengeance, even god with a recompense; he will come and save you.'
{isaiah 35:3-4}

and. this picture makes me smile. oh family. how i love you.

it snowed today. again.

i feel all "soul-searchy" today. i always revert to writing when i'm like this. and it's usually around a time when something big is about to happen in my life. i found this out today while reading my journal. listen to this uber-sensitive courtney after she just saw "into the wild" {a great film}, also ignore any grammar errors or expletives, its my journal:

[i just watched this movie and feel like i identified with the character in some ways. i want to be "self-actualized". i want to know who i am. what i am. where i am going. i struggle with heavy shit like LOVE, DISAPPOINTMENT, REJECTION, HAPPINESS, PAIN, SORROW. what are these words? how have i felt these things? do i know what each feel like? its 2:30 and i just feel like crying for the pains of the world. i hate it when i get like this. anyways, i shouldn't have written now cause i'm all "feely". i feel it all. i feel it all. "happiness is only real when it's shared."]

whoa.

sorry to unload on you like this. but i'm moving on from an imperative point in my life in less than a month. i'm freakin'. more from said journal:

[i just feel like i can't deal with disappointment as well as i should be able to. and it cripples me. this is one of the truest statements i've heard in my life, "every plan is a tiny prayer to father time" {thank you ben gibbard} i make plans, i have dreams and hope and pray they are met, if not, i am disappointed. i feel like i'm not living life to the fullest and taking advantage of every breath god gives me and this causes a great disappointment: sorrow. i wanted to have a marvelous college experience, i wanted to be a school counselor or therapist, i wanted to work at a group home. i wanted to move to new york, be a chef, serve a mission . . . not to say these things haven't played out or still cannot be, but it is because they haven't gone the way i thought, that i sorrow.
i make this "prayer to father time" and hope that my final year in college year goes well . . . i hope to feel i am doing the right thing with my life after college, whether that means moving to new york or not . . . but if not.]

that's basically how i'm feeling right now. and i hope it wasn't inappropriate to share.

loves.

today, i saved some daffodils from a bush.

i found these beauties trying to grow in a small patch of grass in the parking lot today. i thought they'd serve a better purpose on my desk. i was right.

and.
i cut my own bangs today. dangerous. scary. wrong. now i'm walking around with thick, uneven, craziness on my head.