this is perhaps the most beautiful thing i've ever read.

'strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees. say to them that are of a fearful heart, be strong, fear not: behold, your god will come with vengeance, even god with a recompense; he will come and save you.'
{isaiah 35:3-4}

and. this picture makes me smile. oh family. how i love you.

it snowed today. again.

i feel all "soul-searchy" today. i always revert to writing when i'm like this. and it's usually around a time when something big is about to happen in my life. i found this out today while reading my journal. listen to this uber-sensitive courtney after she just saw "into the wild" {a great film}, also ignore any grammar errors or expletives, its my journal:

[i just watched this movie and feel like i identified with the character in some ways. i want to be "self-actualized". i want to know who i am. what i am. where i am going. i struggle with heavy shit like LOVE, DISAPPOINTMENT, REJECTION, HAPPINESS, PAIN, SORROW. what are these words? how have i felt these things? do i know what each feel like? its 2:30 and i just feel like crying for the pains of the world. i hate it when i get like this. anyways, i shouldn't have written now cause i'm all "feely". i feel it all. i feel it all. "happiness is only real when it's shared."]

whoa.

sorry to unload on you like this. but i'm moving on from an imperative point in my life in less than a month. i'm freakin'. more from said journal:

[i just feel like i can't deal with disappointment as well as i should be able to. and it cripples me. this is one of the truest statements i've heard in my life, "every plan is a tiny prayer to father time" {thank you ben gibbard} i make plans, i have dreams and hope and pray they are met, if not, i am disappointed. i feel like i'm not living life to the fullest and taking advantage of every breath god gives me and this causes a great disappointment: sorrow. i wanted to have a marvelous college experience, i wanted to be a school counselor or therapist, i wanted to work at a group home. i wanted to move to new york, be a chef, serve a mission . . . not to say these things haven't played out or still cannot be, but it is because they haven't gone the way i thought, that i sorrow.
i make this "prayer to father time" and hope that my final year in college year goes well . . . i hope to feel i am doing the right thing with my life after college, whether that means moving to new york or not . . . but if not.]

that's basically how i'm feeling right now. and i hope it wasn't inappropriate to share.

loves.

i'm lds.

so i wanted to share something with you about my church. this video was made to counteract the mumbo.jumbo about "big love". i'm confident you know the mumbo.jumbo i'm talking about. i feel like american's are always preaching respect and loving kindness, but then forget about that when it comes to religion. as i respect other's in their differences, all i ask in return is that same respect shown towards me and my beliefs. enjoy ...

this season, and always.

last night i attended the annual christmas devotional at the conference center. this is one of my favorite traditions my family has. the devotional has a great way of refocusing our thoughts to the real meaning of christmas. in his talk, president uchtdorf relayed this message originally from elder wirthlin's talk the great commandment. i thought it appropriate 1} because of his recent passing and 2} because j'adore quotes on love:

"love is the beginning, the middle, and the end of the pathway of discipleship. it comforts, counsels, cures, and consoles. it leads us through valleys of darkness and through the veil of death. in the end love leads us to the glory and grandeur of eternal life. . . true love lasts forever. it is eternally patient and forgiving. it believes, hopes, and endures all things. that is the love our heavenly father bears for us."

remember this as you celebrate this holiday season.
and.
merry christmas.

october love list.

i took this idea from britt, who took it from someone else, but i love the idea and i completely agree with the following statement regarding it: "so for the past month, i tried to pay special attention to lovable details. whenever I thought, "oh this can go on my love list!" i appreciated the moment even more. so even though [this month] was challenging at times, i still found myself looking for what is good."

october love list:
.regina spektor
.pumpkin muffins
.haunted houses
.pumpkin shampoo
.'son of rambow' [see it!]
.kathy and gary cosgrove
.meaningful prayer
.'pushing daisies'
.zupas
.'the 7 year itch'

loves.